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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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9:40 am - according to sparknotes... i am a genius
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The results have been tabulated, and your IQ is...
145
You're a genius!
(Your IQ is calculated by comparing your raw test score against others of your age and sex. An IQ of 100 is exactly average. An IQ of 200 is twice as smart as the average person.)
Compared to other 19 year old females...
92% dumber than you — 1% as smart as you — 7% smarter than you
that scares me.
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| Monday, July 25th, 2005
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10:30 am - Of course, If I'm coming back on LJ, I have to do the copycat thing :P
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A - Age of 1st kiss: hmm... one that counts? 13ish
B - Band you are listening to right now: Sadly, none. I just woke up. *wipes eyes*
C - Crush: uhmmm....
D - Dad's name: Keith
E - Easiest person to talk to: As of late? Probably Anat
F - Favorite ice cream: Vanilla.
G - Gummy worms or Gummy bears: Definitely Sour worms.. though I like decapitating bears O:)
H - Hometown: Northridge
I - Instruments: Lots... Trumpet, voice, different forms of clarinet, trombone, different saxes, flute... i could keep going you know :P
J - Junior high: Walter Reed
K - Kids: Eventually :)
L - Longest car ride: 6 hours... to Vegas. (hint: this is an extraordinarily long time to take to get to Vegas)
M - Mom's name: Irene
N - Nickname(s): Allie, Alex, Lex, Zan, Alle (much prettier in spanish), Cassandra, Allison, Dra.
O - One wish: To reach and surpass all of my goals that I set for myself.
P - Phobia[s]: Things that are squishy or weird consistencies (beans scare me). Certain insects, losing loved ones.
Q - Quote: Me to Andrew and Ross: "If Jimmy gets play tonight I'm going to kill myself"
Ross to Me: "Don't worry, you won't have to kill yourself, If Jimmy gets play tonight the fire rain from the sky will kill you first"
R - Reason to smile: Thinking of all of my friends that are there for me through the good and the bad times.
S - Song you sang last: Happy Birthday. It's my mom's birthday today.
T - Time you woke up today: 9:15ish
U - Unknown fact about me: I spend my 99% of my free time reading/studying, and 1% of it going out. I stay in alot...
V - Vegetable(s) you dislike: Eggplant, okra (ok.. I've never had okra... but I probably won't ever try it..), squash, yams.
W - Worst habit: Procrastination... In the words of a good friend of mine... "Procrastination is like masturbation.. it feels good, but in the end you're just fucking yourself."
X - X-rays you've had: teeth
Y - Your least favorite person: Uhm.... *says nothing*
Z - Zodiac sign: Aries
current mood:  geeky
current music: Air conditioner blowing at freaking 10:30 in the morning...
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| Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
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11:08 pm - A public apology
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I know that I've been really kind of bitchy as of late, and I just wanted to apologize to all of the casualties. I guess that I'm still in a bit of a shock because of the sudden downhill turn everything took. It went from sheer perfection and happiness to everything falling apart. Though it's not really a good reason I really had to say something. This morning before work I sat and just thought for a while. Thought about everything that has been going on, about all of the reasons why I've been so upset for the past two weeks, and for the first time in a while I found myself crying. I just completely lost control for a bit. I mean... I've cried recently, but more the silent tear type.. Today was just full out sobbing. So, I guess it comes down to this: I can't control the actions of others. I can't change people's feelings. And worse of all I think, I can't control my own emotions/feelings. But realizing this opened a new door for me. I may not be able to control these things.. but I can control how I react to them... and that is what I will start to do. If life was easy you'd never learn anything, and learning is really what gives meaning to life... so I don't think I could bear that easy and yet meaningless existence. Funny how I would choose the hard route anyday over the easy one. Ah well.
current mood:  pensive
current music: random launch stuffs
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| Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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1:58 pm - It has been a REALLY long time since I've used this...
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The last time I used this thing was August of last year. I used to use it as a venting post... kinda got me into trouble here and there, but I don't really mind either way. I realized today that I haven't spoken to some of my friends in over 3 months... which is a bit discouraging.
Alot has changed in the time that I've been away... namely me. It feels so weird to go through some of the old posts I've made on here.. they were so.. depressing. I wonder how I had enough time to feel that way for so long...
I haven't slept in 4 days... mainly because I've been super stressed and can't take sleeping pills, which is making me really cranky. In fact, I've been a complete jerk lately to people that really haven't deserved it. I feel bad about it, but I just haven't found a way to properly apologize, especially since I'm probably going to turn around and do the same thing again while I'm sleep deprived.
*is done*
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Smooth Criminal ~Alien Ant Farm~
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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3:11 am - the updating has begun...
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*points to my new icon*... It has begun. My first animated image that I made for myself... *i've made plenty for other people*
(if you guys want one for your lookup I can make them to match ANY layout and they can say or do anything you want them to ... almost..) what do you guys think?
as for an update about tonight.. its 3:15 and I can't sleep.. telling? I think so.. *sigh*... I wish that I could put things aside when I try to sleep..
current mood: *points to icon*
current music: My goodies
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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9:28 pm - Stupid Layout
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I've been meaning to redo the look of my live journal for a while. I think after I finish writing this I will make myself an icon and background. We shall see. My current mood is really shitty. I suppose that at the moment I just am feeling what has been building up the past, oh, month and a half or so. I don't know what to feel right now, and its all very dramatic. It's just kind of ridiculous. I spend all of my time on one site where I try and make people happy, because it makes me feel good, and then I just get fucked over by other people on the site. It makes me sad. The time I don't spend there is spent on work of one sort or another. Homework, school... eh. All the same thing. I miss my friends. I rarely hear from Aaron, and I don't call him, I rarely get to talk to Adri, because she is in Argentina and I am usually about to go when she IMs me, I rarely get to talk to Anat because she just got back from Israel, and I am away when she calls. So many problems. I'm just in this funk, and it really shows in everything that I do. When I went to lunch this afternoon with some friends, I was really down, but half way through the lunch I realized that I was letting it show, and completely turned on the smile. I hate the fakeness that came with today. And yet, I don't want to be incredibly depressed. Gah. Not to say that I don't have friends here. I do. And they are wonderful. But I miss the people that I spent everyday with last year, through good days and bad. I miss them. I miss you. I miss me... the me before I became this depressed sad specimen.
current mood:  depressed
current music: A bunch of stuff by Evanescence... not good for my mood...
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| Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
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10:44 pm - procrastination is (still) my friend
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I have a paper due tomorrow and I haven't even started it yet. Further, I'm starting to say goodbye to people as they leave for the summer... and it's making me sad.
Tomorrow it will all be over.
1 paper and 1 final + work and financial aid office. There will be no sleeping for me tonight. But I don't really want to sleep anyway. Actually.. I take that back.. I'd like to drown my worries in sleep and not have to think about them ever again. It's unfortunate that I can't do that. Oh well. C'est la vie.
I had resolved to changing my entries to friends-only, but I have decided that unless someone reads too much into what I am saying, this is alright to post. I don't like censoring myself. It feels so unreal. Whatever... again.. that's life. Congrats to everyone that's done with finals.
Goodnight.
current mood:  apathetic
current music: none
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| Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
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11:25 pm - it has been decided
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that I can no longer post on livejournal in public unless it is happy and hides my feelings. therefore, after this entry I will either start posting entirely in friends only (and take a few people off of my friends list... hint.. if you are reading this right now, I probably don't mean you.. certain people only read if I have a sad icon after the entry) or just stop posting entirely.
in the mean time
i spent a lot of time with aaron last night, for one reason or another, and now I am procrastinating crazy style. I have a final and a paper due on Thursday and then I am home free.. I wonder what the summer will bring. My stomach really hurts right now, and I know why, but I wish I didn't. Ugh. Anyway... good luck everyone.
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| Monday, June 14th, 2004
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8:18 pm
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I asked Adri on AIM today to say "good luck on finals" and "have a nice summer" to Aaron today. I told her good luck and wished her a good summer, and then offered her a virtual hug online. I just don't want to see anyone anymore. Like... it's gotten to the point where I feel like it's just not worth it anymore. This summer I'm going to be here and I've gone out of my way to NOT find out who else is staying. I just dont want to know. It doesn't matter. For all the social stuff that I'm going to be doing, y'all might as well just act as if I don't exist. Oh wait, you do that anyway.. or act like I'm a particularly nasty slug that doesn't understand what you are doing or saying. Look, I'm not stupid. If you don't wanna talk to me, then don't, ok? You don't have to. No one is forcing you. You can just say.. "Look Alexandra, honestly, I don't like you very much, and I don't really want to talk to you anymore". It's not like I'm going to blow up at you. I'll respect your wishes. Just FUCKING TELL ME. Whatever.. you know, it doesn't matter. Oh, and to clarify, I'm not pissed at anyone. Just tired of hearing about what people say behind my back. And also, to clarify something else, I told Adri and Aaron an early bye, not because I'm pissed at them, because I'm not, but because I just have some shit that I need to do that I don't want ANYONE breathing down my neck for. Whatever. Fuck it. I don't need this shit.
current mood:  Just fuck off
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| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
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12:56 pm - wow...
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I just posted my first private entry on livejournal, because I had written a journal entry the other night in my notebook and wanted to put it online. I realized after I reread it, and typed it up, that it's really not very good. What happened? How did I go back to this slump? *sigh* I don't want to be here. In fact... I don't know if I even want to deal with certain things/people ever again. That... is also... very sad.
current mood:  whatever...
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| Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
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1:50 am - MmMmMm... PaNiC AtTaCkS...
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Yeah.. lets just say that I love Anat... very very much. I would have been left to deal with that completely alone if it wasn't for her. I really hate this sometimes. I wish I could just... not have to deal with this crap anymore.
So.. second question of the day:
If I didn't come to UCLA next year, would you find a way to still be my friend? (no.. this is not as random as it may seem... and yes Noa, I am still gonna be your roomie next year... hehe)
current mood: blah
current music: You guessed it... JOHN MAYER!
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| Monday, June 7th, 2004
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12:04 pm - Wow...
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Well.. thanks to everyone for your replies to my last post. While I really know that I am not anything even close to a slut... having a friend tell you that you are really sucks, and it definitely made me feel like I should question myself. After doing this for a little over 4 days, I have decided to just try and forget about it. I mean, I am still upset at him, but I am not going to mope about this. Anyway...
Yesterday was interesting, and I think the most fun that I have had in a while was had while I spent 45 min. or an hour with Aaron... Here's the story
( And believe me.. it was great exercise... )
Afterwards.. I went and talked to Anat for a while, and ended up talking to Charles and Hung for another few hours. So, last night was entirely unproductive.. but also incredibly fun. I loved it!
I've decided that I am also going to do a question of the day. Everyone answer!
Today's question: What is the most interesting thing you did this weekend?
current mood:  amused
current music: John Mayer ~Room for Squares CD... again!~
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| Friday, June 4th, 2004
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2:44 pm - I've always wondered...
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why it is that you can be so up one minute and then so down the next. I have been so happy lately, and it really just took one person to say something and tear me down. I mean.. right now, I just feel like a total and complete slut. And I didn't even do anything for me to feel this way. But when he said that.. I just got torn down. Anat was in the room with us when he said this, and her jaw dropped too, because in a way, his comment, though directly said to me, was a blow to both of us. And both of us are upset about this. Perhaps me more than her, but that is because I really never thought that I would live to see the day when it would be implied that I was a slut (not that she would either, but I am probably more emotional than she is). And before anyone gets any ideas, no, it WASN'T Aaron. I didn't think that I would care, and I tried to pretend not to, but that hurt so much. You guys know me.. so here is my question to everyone.. and please do answer... Do I act like a slut? Am I really like that? What image do I put out to people?
Please be honest... and for that matter... why don't you post anonymously so that you don't feel like you need to censor yourselves. I want to know.
current music: ~John Mayer... Room for Squares CD~
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| Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
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2:11 pm - Sometimes I sit and wonder..
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Hillel politics are making me sick. What is it with people? GAH! I am so frustrated about it... I just wish that I could do something. Oy. I have a plan.. but it will take a while to implement. Updates will come when the plan is in motion.
In other news, I am still feeling confident in myself, even though certain people... who will remain nameless.. have been making choice comments about my new attitude and dress. Remember my away message? Yeah, bite me. I am happy with who I am. I am a good person, and I work my butt off to do things that I don't have to do. So, if you really don't like this version of me.. then you can go find someone new to be around, because as far as I am concerned, this is an upgrade, and I'm NOT downgrading for you or anyone else. I would be suprised to hear myself saying this kind of stuff, but I really feel this way, and I am so happy with myself at this point that this petty crap WILL NOT bring me down. In other words... if you can't stand to see me happy, you better back off, cuz this isn't going away any time soon.
Finally, my love and thanks to everyone who is being wonderful and supportive of me during this time of change. I couldn't keep it up if it wasn't for you guys!
current mood: amused
current music: Eminem~Kim (I have to listen to it for a paper I'm writing)
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| Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
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8:41 pm - hmm
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Interestingly enough.. I won for Hillel Secretary for next year. I'm happy, but I really wasn't expecting to win. I'm suprised! Thanks for everyone coming out to vote and stuff. Let's just say Hillel board will be very.. interesting.. next year.
current mood: hopeful
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| Monday, May 31st, 2004
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11:57 pm - Just a few things
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This weekend was perhaps the best weekend of my life. Too much to write here because I am tired, but, ask me about it! Here are some highlights though:
Spending the weekend with Anat at her house in Newport Beach
Getting an amazingly amusing sunburn (painful, but it was worth it because Anat has a really funny tanline.. ask HER about that one...)
Being with Lisa and Anat all weekend.
Going to the boogie two nights in a row and getting hit on by a really cute persian jewish boy.
And just relaxing.
I feel amazing about myself, and most of this is due to Anat. She has to be the biggest self-esteem booster I've ever met. She made me feel so wonderful about myself, and, because she is incredibly beautiful herself, when she told me that I looked beautiful it made me feel even better about myself. And, if I didn't look good in something, she told me. She was completely honest to me, and it made me feel even better about myself. I have an away message up on AIM right now that says:
"This weekend has made me feel like a new and different person. I've realized that I can love who I am and how I look no matter what, and when people get that vibe off of me, they feel the same way. So, here is to a new day...
and if you don't like me this way...
then you can bite me."
And that is exactly how I feel. Look out world.. Alexandra's coming out to play, and she's feisty!
Finally, be on alert.. I've got some cute new clothes.. and I'm not afraid to use them!
Now tell me... What did you do this weekend?
current mood:  incredible
current music: I can tell ~504 boyz
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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8:15 pm - Life is a barrel of fun....
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mmm... vomit... tasty.
yeah... taste in my mouth (see above) = bad. This is day 3 that I haven't been able to hold down food. Stupid freaking food!!! Stay in my stomach! Ugh.. It's been a freaking long day.. I'm really really glad that it's night time.... almost dark... almost...
in other news... my skin hates me and has decided that it will scar. fucking skin!
finally... things that made me happy today:
helping joline procrastinate on bruin walk
helping hasti procrastinate.. in general
FINALLY giving noa her birthday present
my pounding headache... oh wait... not that one.... :p
current mood: yucky
current music: skater boy ~avril lavigne
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| Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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12:46 am - this is for all of you.. but especially those who know about the dead squirrel (i.e. Shir Bruin)
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LOOK OUT!
ïòð | | auclachick is a radioactive squirrel!! |
From Go-Quiz.com
hehe... sooo appropriate! (ask me about the squirrel if you want to know)
mmm... good times
current mood:  sick
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| Monday, May 17th, 2004
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8:43 am - Sometimes it's harder to focus on the good than it is on the bad...
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And it really shouldn't be that way. I'd like to think of myself as an optimist. I'd also like to think of myself as a millionaire, but if you know me, then you know what the reality is of these statements. I'll call myself a realist (even though you'll probably call me a pessimist) and I'll just hope that by not being a blind optimist I won't walk head on into problems. I'm not dumb, but I won't call myself smart, I'm not slow, but I won't call myself quick, I'm not unmoveable, and often times I'll let people walk all over me. If they don't see it as taking advantage of me, most of the time, neither will I. And yet, today I feel as though there is something different. A feeling. I don't feel like being walked on today. Maybe it's just that I have been having my patience tested for the past few days... or maybe I'm just tired of the feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach that, no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be good enough, or smart enough, or ANYTHING enough. That's what hurts. That's the truth of the matter. A very intelligent person (and one who most of you know if you hang around with me at all) once told me "If you tell a person that they are something enough, eventually they may believe you". He meant it in a positive way, and it is true on that level as well I suppose. But if you look at it in a negative light, it is just as true. If you tell me enough times that I am worthless, I may start to believe you. If you're actions show me that you don't care enough, I'll believe that too. So, if you say you care, then why do you act like you don't? (Mind you, this is not directed at any one person, rather it is a general statement, even though I can think of a few good examples that are prompting me to say this...) Don't tell me you love me. Show me. Damn... I really just need a hug.
current mood: contemplative
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| Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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2:37 pm - I think it's about time...
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for a long post!!!
Ok, so here goes. This weekend has been absolutely insane. First, Friday happened... ( Friday )
Then.. there was yesterday... ( Saturday )
So, how was your weekend???
current mood:  flirty
current music: Freak-a-leek ~Petey Pablo~
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